Do any of the following sound familiar?

• Cynthia can’t leave her work as a university professor, which she now finds unfulfilling, because she’ll lose her tenure. Her thought: “I have no control over the system.”
• Michael’s co-worker doesn’t take feedback well, so Michael works at home each night “cleaning up” the co-worker’s projects so their unit will look better. His thought: “I can’t control how other people are.”
• Wanda wants to be promoted to senior management but has been told she doesn’t have what it takes to make the leap. Her thought: “I can’t control what others think of me.”

It’s true that it’s not possible to control a system, another person’s behavior, or others’ impressions. But that doesn’t mean that Cynthia, Michael, or Wanda have no control over their situation. What they—and we—can control ultimately has more power to affect a situation than any control we might try to exert over others.

Consider the power available to us when we pay attention to these areas—things we can do something about:

Our words. Spoken or written, the words we choose impact our lives and the lives of others. Michael, for example, could learn ways to approach his colleague that stand a better chance of being heard. (Consider reading Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg or Taking the War Out of Our Words by Sharon Ellison.) His cover-up does the co-worker no good, and eats away Michael’s alone time with his wife.

Our beliefs. We can always change our beliefs. Cynthia, for example, might want to examine her belief that the only way she can feel financially secure is to have tenure. Or her belief that doing something else that is fulfilling and stimulating won’t provide well enough for her.

Our actions. We alone are responsible for what we do. Wanda, for example, can find out exactly what leadership and/or managerial qualities her superiors think she lacks. She can take courses to learn skills. She can work with a coach to bring out leadership qualities or to look at other work possibilities.

Our values. What’s important to us is our call. No one else can tell us what to value. Where we truly tap into power is when we align our values with our actions.

Our work. Although many of us complain of being stuck in a job or profession, we do actually get to choose what our work in the world is.

Our friends. Those we associate with say a lot about what we think about ourselves. We can choose to have friends who support us and who mirror our best qualities or who bring us down.

Our time. Though it sometimes feels like we have no choice, we do choose every day how we will use the 24 hours a day gives us.

Our basic health. While we cannot control our genetic make-up, we can choose to exercise, sleep enough, eat healthy food, get routine check-ups, etc.

At the end of the day, peace of mind, authentic power, and choices come from learning to focus our energy on what we can control—and how we show up. In addition to the above, we can also control our boundaries, mindset, and the meaning we assign to our experiences. By letting go of the illusion of control and embracing conscious choice, you will continue to create space for your growth, clarity, and freedom.

THIS WEEK’S COACHING QUESTION:  What’s one thing you’ve been trying to control that you could choose to respond differently instead?

Here’s to your success!

Ellyn